Improve your couple...
"To be in love isn't a state but a becoming."
The start of a couple is usually a phase where one merges into the other, we forget everything else and we cut ourselves off from the world to be one with our beloved. This phase is called the “honeymoon,” and it is only temporary.
Unfortunately, one day the clouds appear, and the beautiful blue sky under which we lived our honeymoon grows dark and stormy. It’s as if suddenly we no longer understand each other, as if the other person has become someone else. We ask ourselves, “Could he have lied about who he really is? Could she have played a role?”
Then come the tests and the strength of the couple which is measured by its ability to overcome the conflict. The couple will have different options in handling their conflict, but not all will be effective. One example is to submit to your partner’s will and desires, to move into a more passive, victim role, and to become emotionally dependent; accepting an unhealthy situation out of a fear of being alone.
Many couples stay together for the wrong reasons. They are resigned. "I'm not happy, but at least I'm not alone." "They don’t make me happy, but at least they’re there."
Some couples live their lives like this, accumulating frustrations, anger, resentments and misunderstandings ... each projecting onto the other reasons of his own misfortune, his own miserable condition if deemed necessary. "If I am unhappy, it's his fault," "I have no choice, I have to accept it."
In other situations, one person in the couple decides to take action and to regain their balance by beginning to work on themselves in therapy, or by going to a coach. Often in these cases, a gap begins to grow between the two partners, as one person is releasing their “chains” and moving towards a better life, the other refuses to break the vicious circle, and to gain perspective about the couple. This often leads to a rupture.
Finally, some couples, aware of their difficulties, want to work together to move through the conflict and to find a personal balance as well as a balance in their relationship. For this we must be aware that a couple is truly happy when each person finds their own balance and is also able to create a space within the couple itself, a space made of compromise, which we call the "we" and lies between the "I" and the "you."
"Happiness does not depend on any being, any other external object. It depends only on us..."
Willingness to work on one’s couple can change the dynamic of destruction and reestablish the communication that has sometimes been lost, in order to better understand the frustrations or the desires of one’s partner. Adding an element outside the couple such as a coach or a therapist allows couples to develop this communication and to help everyone gain some perspective that can be difficult to obtain on one’s own. However, it is important to understand that the work within the couple will occur alongside the individual work of each partner. Work in the couple allows us to learn that some reactions do not depend entirely on us because they can be physiological or hormonal, whereas others may come from the beliefs we grew up with that have “imprisoned” us, not allowing us to understand that our partners’ behaviors and ideas are no better or worse than ours, but merely different.
Through individual or couple sessions, the couple will be able to release some of the “bad habits” and start (or restart) to communicate more openly and to implement a different dynamic-- strengthening the couple instead of destroying it.
Improving one’s couple is possible, but for this to happen you need the will and the determination.
Happiness is in the hands of those who can grasp it…
60 minute session
Questions? Don't hesitate to contact me.